Learning to Live, Learning to Die

I feel so much the continual death of everything and everybody, and have so learned to reconcile myself to it, that the final and official end loses most of its impressivesness.........

While I have thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die. In my very short life I have had to suffer the loss of a husband, the father and protector of my daughter. At twenty-four years old when most have found or are close to finding their course in life, tradegy struck. In a split instant death interposed.

Time has passed, but unforgivingly. Time dosen't ease the pain of one suffering from the devasting destruction of death.....regardless of what anyone may say. The hour which gives us life begins to take it away. Looking at life is looking at death head on. I see it. In everyone, in everything, at every moment.

Today death is settling into two of the strongest women in my life. At any moment, anytime, they will both take their last breaths. My heart is aching and my mind is remembering how life used to be for them both. Both of their bodies are wretched with pain, they've both been clinging to the life that is leaving their body and suffering as the pain of death is taking them away. The pain and the hurt of death live inside of me. I live it everyday.....hoping that I have felt and suffered all it had to offer, to not let it hurt me anymore.